So yes...

"Today I have said it again. Guess that sometimes I forget the fact that whenever I say it, I remember it and it hurts. But I feel like if I had the need to remind me the reasons. Nobody knows; nobody but those I want them to know and that gives me the strenght to say that, at least, I'm still able to control something in my life. And that's a step forward when you have lost your control recently.

Now I have to shut up since I've found the light. And in that way I'm not reminding me everything all along. But in another way I feel like if I was calming down a monster that we all know one day is gonna wake up and destroy everything, again. So yes, I'm scared."